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 Complaint about the boss 
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Post Complaint about the boss • Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:23 pm
Before I can focus on the ignorance that abounds in Darth Citrus's commentaries, I must qualify Darth's character, his sources, and even his personal frame of mind towards me. I guess I should start by saying that some people say that that isn't sufficient evidence to prove that Darth is secretly scheming to extract obscene salaries and profits from corporations that step on other people's toes. And I must agree; one needs much more evidence than that. But the evidence is there, for anyone who isn't afraid to look at it. Just look at the way that he is an inspiration to backwards, sordid finks everywhere. They panegyrize Darth's crusade to instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with his put-downs and, more importantly, they don't realize that Darth has a strategy. His strategy is to blend together expansionism and mandarinism in a train wreck of monumental proportions. Wherever you encounter that strategy, you are dealing with Darth.

Hey, it's not my fault that Darth's premise (that his viewpoints epitomize wholesome family entertainment) is his morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Darth uses this disguised morality to support his assertions, thereby making his argument self-refuting. In spite of all he has done, I must admit I really like the guy. No, just kidding. I would not have thought it possible that he tries to make his equivocations more palatable by wrapping them in rhetoric about the need to protect the interests of the disadvantaged and the downtrodden, but it's true. I once managed to get Darth to agree that he formulates his generalizations in a precarious latticework between the brain-damaged and the daft. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, he did a volte-face and denied that he had ever said that.

If this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all right-thinking people. However, this letter's role is much greater than just to investigate Darth's shambolic principles, ideals, and objectives. In an article I read recently, Darth is quoted as saying that he wants to popularize a genre of music whose graphic lyrics explicitly urge caustic morons to make my worst nightmares come true. This was meant be taken as a joke, but the joke is on us. You see, paternalism is dangerous. Darth's litigious version of it is doubly so.

Let me back up a little: Darth operates on an international scale to undermine the basic values of work, responsibility, and family. It's only fitting, therefore, that we, too, work on an international scale, but to do what comes naturally. By making my blood curdle, Darth has erected a monument to pharisaism. Only it does not seem proper to say that such a thing has been "created". "Excreted", "belched", "spewed", and "spat out" are expressions more appropriate to the object here described. You see, it's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. Darth distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain his current opinions. If you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong.

I see two problems with Darth's prophecies on a very fundamental level. First, he is the ultimate source of alienation and repression around here. And second, my position is that he's an inquination upon all that is pure, holy, and good. Darth, in contrast, argues that he has achieved sainthood. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Darth. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for him to admit that I indisputably don't believe that bad things "just happen" (i.e., they're not caused by Darth himself). So when he says that that's what I believe, I see how little he understands my position.

At this point in the letter I had planned to tell you that so far, the response from Darth's camp has been tardy and equivocal. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that he eats the substance out of any organization he attacks, destroys its moral virility, throws down its reverence, saps its respect for authority, and casts a shadow on every one of its basic principles. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion in which I argue that Darth's goals coalesce with those of repressive loons. Now, that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.

If Darth's ploys get any more dissolute, I expect they'll grow legs and attack me in my sleep. As for me, I have no bombs, no planes, no artillery, and no terrorist plots. But I do have weapons and tactics that are far more deadly: pure light and simple truth. It would be wrong to imply that Darth is involved in some kind of conspiracy to hurt people's feelings. It would be wrong because his ballyhoos are far beyond the conspiracy stage. Not only that, but whenever there's an argument about his devotion to principles and to freedom, all one has to do is point out that he is determined to put as little thought as possible into solving the undeniable problems that our society is still facing with regard to boosterism. That should settle the argument pretty quickly.

We'd all be in grave danger if Darth continued to engage in his subversive behavior. Stripping from the term "transubstantiationalist" the negative connotations it evokes, I will try to fight scurrility and slander. There are few certainties in life. I have counted only three: death, taxes, and Darth doing some raffish thing every few weeks. What do you think the chances are that he will eventually stop preventing me from sleeping soundly at night? I assure you, the likelihood of that is slim to none. The reason is that I have always been an independent thinker. I'm not influenced by popular trends, the media, or even so-called undisputed facts when parroted by others. Maybe that streak of independence is what first enabled me to see that I went puce with rage when I first heard Darth say that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. Darth does, and that's why his problem is that he is thinking in a linear versus a configurational framework. If you find that fact distressing then you should help me protect innocent, little children from contentious scumbags like him. Either that, or you can crawl into a corner and lament that you got yourself born in the wrong universe. Don't expect your sobbing to do much good, however, because it's easy to tell if Darth's lying. If his lips are moving, he's lying.

Many people think of Darth's drugged-out declamations as a joke, as something only half-serious. In fact, they're deadly serious. They're the tool by which the most impertinent pickpockets you'll ever see will eliminate those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny sometime soon. A second all-too-serious item is that Darth considers it his calling to preach the gospel of mysticism to every living creature. Do I blame society for this? No, I blame Darth.

It may seem difficult at first to take steps against the whole presumptuous brotherhood of raving numskulls. It is. But blaming vitriolic sesquipedalianism on yellow-bellied dossers is one of Darth's favorite themes. Get that straight, please. Any other thinking is blame-shoving or responsibility-dodging. Furthermore, Darth is not a responsible citizen. Responsible citizens set the stage so that my next letter will begin from a new and much higher level of influence. Responsible citizens honestly do not perpetuate myths that glorify immoralism. Anyway, I hope I've made my point, which is that letting Darth Citrus start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people is a recipe for disaster.

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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 6:01 pm
This is one of those complaint letter generator things right? Other wise... you just wasted six months of your life... cause that must have been how long it took you to type that out...

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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:41 pm
Ok, you proved your point.

*edit*

Bah, this had better be something unreal.

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[12:08:29 PM] AkaAnonymous: I buy expensive things and talk to pretty girls all day. When I'm not doing that, I usually act like I'm 10. Because 10 is awesome.


Last edited by Anon E. Moose on Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.



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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:21 pm
LiD you are kidding right? Or did you actually read that whole length of text.

I agree with LH, I hope this is a stupid new meme from /b/ or that you found a random letter generator, or you just wasted a whole bunch of time writing that.

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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:37 pm
It got boring halfway through. Just decided to tie the knot. Things like this need a tl;dr below them.

*edit*
It's all fake.

Clearly, it is not.

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[12:08:29 PM] AkaAnonymous: I buy expensive things and talk to pretty girls all day. When I'm not doing that, I usually act like I'm 10. Because 10 is awesome.


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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:28 am
Seems somewhat familiar to the topic about the complaint letter generator Goron posted in the General Humor Board. :P

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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:27 pm
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=2336

It's the same thing as did this one! I'm just going to laugh, because it became pretty obvious half-way through. :P (Yes, I read it...thanks to A.P. English you can read through anything...sadly. -_-)

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Post Re: Complaint about the boss • Posted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:45 pm
Wow, what chapter of your book is that from?

ROFL.


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